Laura Gray, 28, has spoken out after her ex-partner was jailed for at least 40 years over the killings of their baby daughter Ruby and toddler son Logan, saying her “memories will never be better than reality”

The mum of a baby and toddler killed by their own dad has laid bare her grief, saying she is saddened to never hear her little girl’s giggle or cuddle her cheeky little boy again.

Laura Gray, 28, said “all she ever wanted to be was a mum” in the emotional statement given after her children’s killer was put behind bars.

Jordan Monaghan, 30, was given three life sentences and ordered to serve a minimum of 40 years for the murders of his newborn baby girl Ruby and toddler son Logan by smothering, and six years later killing his new partner with a drug overdose.

The “cruel and selfish” dad lapped up sympathy and media attention in the wake of the sudden deaths – when he had actually obstructed the airways of both his helpless children in separate murders in January and August 2013, in Blackburn.

He was eventually arrested in 2018 for the killings but went on to murder his new girlfriend Evie Adams while out on bail in 2019.

Outside Preston Crown Court, a statement from Ms Gray, read by family liaison officer DC Sam Matthews, said: “All I ever wanted to be was a mum. I wanted to give children the love and opportunities I didn’t have growing up.

“Jordan knew how much I wanted this too. My children are the most important things in my life.

“I loved every single day I had with them and often think about this. I have the memories and they are truly lovely memories… but memories will never be better than reality.

“I miss all of my children with my whole heart. It is so difficult to try and put into words what Jordan has done to me, but I will never be the same person again. When the children went, a huge part of me went with them.”

Ms Gray paid tribute to her two children, describing the time she had with them in their short lives.

Speaking about Logan, she said: “Logan was my funny, very, very cheeky little boy.

“I had to have eyes everywhere, he once got in the freezer and came out sucking a frozen sausage, I’ll never forget that day.

“He was only small but he was fiercely independent, although, of course, he loved a cuddle off his Mummy.

“He was a super little dancer and loved to bop his way around the room to ‘Troublemaker’ by Olly Murs.”

Speaking of Ruby, she said: “With Ruby, I only had a very short time with her…only a short 24 days. 24 days is not long enough for a newborn to smile, see clearly or develop their own little character.

“She didn’t get the chance to see me clearly and I didn’t get the opportunity to savour her gorgeous first smile, I know she would have had.

“I’ve lost out on her first giggle, her first word and the first steps she would have taken. Ruby, like Logan, however, did also love a cuddle from her mummy. I only have one photograph of Ruby and me and this will never be enough.”

Speaking about her ex-partner Monaghan, Ms Gray said: “Jordan took the lives of Logan and Ruby.

“Initially and for a long time I did not want to believe this, but now I know it’s the truth. I still to this day struggle with the word ‘murderer’ and that’s because accepting that two of your children have been killed by the person you trusted most is simply impossible to accept and get your head around.”

Ms Gray said her mental health has suffered seriously after losing her babies.

She said: “I simply couldn’t see a future without my children. I have had and still have many dark days and I find these impossible to get through.

“Today is bittersweet for me I will not be celebrating this verdict because for me there are no winners here, I don’t get my babies back and this will never be over for me.

“I would just like to thank the enormous efforts of all the people involved in this case especially my family, witnesses, the police, prosecution team, my mental health and intermediary support and the jury who have ultimately carefully considered all aspects of this case. I am so grateful thank you.

“When the children were born, they consumed my whole heart, they still do. I think this is natural for any mother to say this. I was and still am a good mum.”

She added: “It has taken me a long time to believe this and say it, but I now genuinely do believe it. I would have done and still will do absolutely anything for them.

“I promised to fight for justice for them, I have done this with my head held high and with honesty and dignity. Well I did it for you my babies… I hope you are as proud of me as I am of you. I simply could not be any prouder to be your mummy.”