Does self-demand take its toll on you?

When we got to Sweet Museum, in ABC Serrano, Mar Muñiz She is already waiting for us at the door despite being a mother and worker who admits to being stressed. This journalist has written As long as you live in this house a book in which he writes about himselfu experience as a mother, about that time when he believed himself to be more progressive, an improved and more widely read version of his own mother, to later finish repeating the same phrases What her mother used to say, from “This is not a hotel”, to “One day I take the suitcase and I’m leaving”, passing through the rescuers “Eat and shut up!” and “This house is not a democracy.”

Muñiz makes a tribute to those mothers who have raised us, of which some daughters we thought were ancient ones. This journalist and EGB girl in her day is very clear: “When she left the delivery room, the bullshit ended and rock and roll began. Everything I said I wouldn’t do, I’ve done. Everything I said I wouldn’t say, too. “

Everything I said I would not do, I have done. Everything I said I wouldn’t say, too

The writer is the first interviewed in the report “Stressed mothers” of Objective Equality. As we talk about what it costs to sell books and how it is impossible to be influencers and have 100,000 followers on Instagram, he tells me:

-You can’t imagine what it has meant for me to come, make a hole at work, arrive by car and park here. For me it is a world.

-Mother stressed.

-Hahaha. I already tell you!

We want to be perfect and be top professionals. But it doesn’t give us life

One in four women suffers from psychological problems during the motherhood process. “We want to get to everything, we want to be perfect, and not only raise children like other people who are exhibited a lot on the networks. Furthermore, we want to be ideal and we want to work and be top professionals and it cannot all be because life does not give us, “says Muñiz.

The mental health of mothers. Perinatal psychology

100% at work and home

“We are the women who get to everything, you have to be well-groomed, always smiling, at work to perform 100 percent, giving everything even if you haven’t slept. Convey that your children are always well, they never cause problems. This is something that in the long run generates a cost in your mental health“, dice Lucía Galán, pediatrician and influencer, with more than a million followers on his social networks.

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Galán has published several books on the new motherhood and how to manage stress in raising children. In titles like The best of our lives Y The trip of your life advises to lower the level of self-demand and flee from perfectionism like the plague because: “It is something that in the long run generates a cost in your mental health.”

Let’s stop, let’s change everything that makes you feel unsatisfied In the different areas of your life, we are going to change with positive thoughts, with tools for better emotional management, to live your life fully and enjoy what we love the most: our children “, says Jessica Peñas, psychologist and creator of the project” Conscious mothers “.

Postpartum depression and obsessions

The COVID 19 pandemic has increased rates of depression and anxiety, mental problems that have also affected mothers who have given birth during the health crisis. Do not forget that postpartum depression affects one in six women. Symptoms include drastic mood swings, lack of interest in the new baby, difficulty sleeping, feelings of guilt and anxiety. You have to ask for medical help as soon as possible, our interviewees recommend.

On the other hand, when raising children, it is better not to obsess and distribute the care, he says Jesús Martínez, pediatrician, author of blog “My son’s doctor”. “The one who has given birth monopolizes one hundred percent, takes care, obsessively, of the baby. It is a role that returns to me. take back the mother of the 60’s that he is at home and does not work, only now he has to work, and that’s where the stress comes from, “says Martínez.

The mother cares and works. That’s why he stresses out

“Club of bad mothers”

For Lucía Galán, knowing how to disconnect and enjoy time with your children are the two keys to having a good upbringing: “You have to surf and try to be happy, without setting ourselves this high bar: perfect mother, perfect partner, perfect worker because that hurts us.”

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Generational contradictions

The so-called generation baby boomer It was proposed to change the traditional model inherited from their parents, but this issue has also generated internal conflicts in mothers boomer. “I, as part of my generation, have read about issues of parenting, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, about how to educate, using positive discipline, and in the end, I I thought I would improve the education my parents had given me but I have realized that I have repeated the phrases they used to tell me with my own children, “says Mar Muñiz.

I have read about parenting, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping. But I have not improved the education my parents gave me

For Jessica Peñas, the key lies in the lack of emotional education that both women and men have. “As we do not have an adequate emotional process integrated, parents are educating children, with that stress and anxiety, which are emotions that are born to warn that something very important is happening to which we are not paying attention. When we were little, There was no emotional education in the cabbages, nor did our parents know why they had not integrated the necessary emotional skills. What happens then? We have very serious emotional deficiencies. “

Anxiety alerts us to something very important that we are not paying attention to

But what worries mothers when they go to the pediatrician’s office? “They care about what everyone cares about: doing things very well, not only very well but perfect. The problem is that stereotyped non-real patterns are often followed that appear on social networks, very fantastic, from a movie but far removed from real life, “says Martínez.

The anxiety It is a psychological problem that, many times, mothers do not know how to deal with and also do not have tools. “There are mothers whose anxiety is an unconscious pattern extended over time. It just comes out, they don’t know how to get rid of it,” says Peñas. High expectations of women are part of the conflict, according to Galán, pediatrician and influencer, author of the project “Lucía, my pediatrician”: “Women set very high expectations for ourselves, both in our family life and in our work life. We can hardly separate” .

Although, for Martínez, the problem is also that women have been deprived of their power of your intuition as mothers. “There is an infantilization, a lack of parents. Do not think, do nothing, go to the doctor, consult, look at this, do not make a mistake, go to the emergency room, do not think … That is a barbaric, bestial message, what is doing a lot of damage to women who want to carry their motherhood forward because they feel insecure. “

Breeding solutions

The four interviewees agree that as mothers we will be right if we let ourselves carry by heart and intuition. “Do what your common sense dictates, what your heart dictates. It will not be the best or what the books or the gurus say, but it sure is the best for you as a mother and for your child”, recommends Martínez . “To a woman who is going to be a mother for the first time, I would say that this journey that she is going to undertake is difficult but it is also wonderful, transformative. It will make her a better person, because motherhood gives us a face full of life” , recommends Galán.

“I advise having a little more intuition, not pay so much attention to what people say“says Muñiz. For her part, Jessica Peñas emphasizes better managing our emotions as mothers so as not to transmit emotional negativity to our children and prevent them from reproducing dysfunctional maternal psychological patterns. To conclude, Lucía Galán thinks about the future and in the inheritance that we want to leave to our children when he reflects: “How would you like your children to remember you as a mother when they are older? Their childhood is the best legacy you will leave them because we all live from our childhood. ”

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George Holan

George Holan is chief editor at Plainsmen Post and has articles published in many notable publications in the last decade.

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