SELF-improvement guru Bob Proctor, who died recently, managed to change the way we think about how to find love – and how to keep that love alive.
Proctor set out his beliefs in a number of books and seminars, most notably The Secret, published in 2006, which looked at the Law of Attraction.
He had more than 40 years experience of working in the self-help industry, enabling millions of Americans to realize their dreams and potential.
Proctor saw being in love as “when two people come together in perfect harmony on all plans of understanding.
We take a look at some of the key ways Proctor said we could find love and maintain it.
CHECK UNDER YOUR HOOD
Proctor believed that when a relationship started to fade most people tended to look to their partner for what they were doing wrong.
But instead, he said, it was necessary to “take a good, honest look at yourself”.
I have believed people needed to ask themselves key questions such as:
Do you show your mate that you love and appreciate them, or are you too busy complaining?
When the going gets tough, do you rise to the occasion with grace, or do you get angry and shut them out?
Do you communicate openly or do you expect your partner to be able to read your mind?
Proctor said the important issue was that problems in a relationship were down to you and the “vibration” you put out and not your partner.
By examining yourself, your awareness of your own behavior will increase and so, in turn, you will get more from your partner.
BUILD A NEW IMAGE
Proctor thought one way to success in love was to visualize a relationship the way you wanted it to be, both now and in the future.
He advised people should see themselves having a “divine, intimate connection with your partner”.
It was also beneficial, according to Proctor, to focus on the qualities that first attracted you to your partner when you fell in love.
By visualizing a long-lasting, loving relationship, Proctor believed people “locked” themselves into a “higher frequency” and started to create it.
RAISE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Proctor believed that most people expected the passion and joy to slowly fade over time in a relationship.
But, he warned, people tended to get what they expected, saying that if people anticipated having a bad day, then they are almost certainly guaranteed to have one.
To overcome this, I have suggested that before going to sleep people needed to “set a clear, definite positive expectation for your relationship tomorrow.”
Then people needed to let that positive thought germinate in their minds all night long – and then repeat it when they woke up the next morning.
It was also good to keep reminding yourself of it throughout the day.
Proctor believed people “radiated frequencies” out into the world and those “frequencies” were always attracting similar frequencies to harmonize with it.
So one way to find love, or keep it, was to “change your vibration.”
Another key way to form a good relationship was the need for people to take responsibility for their feelings and behaviors.
Proctor thought it was healthier to respond rather than react to a difficult situation.
He explained: “When you react to something, it is in control of you. But when you take a few moments to think about it and then respond, you are in control.”
Proctor added: “If you decide to scream and argue or walk out, you’ll feel much different than if you choose to address the issue respectfully. In the first case, you may end up feeling resentful. In the second, you will feel relieved if the conflict is aired and resolved.”
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
How people treated themselves, Proctor believed, had a big impact on what their relationships with other people are like.
He said: “This is because the quality of your relationships reflects your thoughts and feelings about yourself.”
In other words, if you want people to be nice to you, be nice to yourself.
Don’t expect to be “perfect” and be gentle on yourself if you make a mistake and reward yourself when you achieve something.
Proctor said: “When you respect and love yourself, it’s impossible for others not to do the same.”
YOU LIVE IN AN ‘OCEAN OF MOTION”
Proctor believed “everything is in a constant state of motion or vibration” with those vibrations ranging from very high to very low frequencies.
The rate at which you vibrated depended entirely on your thoughts, Proctor said, as well as feelings and attitudes.
Positive, growth-oriented thoughts produced high-frequency vibrations while negative thoughts produced a low-frequency.
For Proctor, “our thoughts, feelings and attitudes attract people who think (and feel) on a similar frequency.”
We are inevitably attracted by and attracted to people whose vibratory rate matches ours.
THINK RIGHT ABOUT PEOPLE
Creating good relationships is essential both in our personal and business lives, Proctor believed.
Our success is dependent on the support of others, be that relating to our work or private life.
We all need support from other people and to achieve that we “must be likable”.
Proctor explained: “When the time comes to consider names for a promotion, a new job, or an honor, decision makers give more weight to whether someone is likable than their education, experience or expertise.”
That applies to our personal relationships as well as the working environment.
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George Holan is chief editor at Plainsmen Post and has articles published in many notable publications in the last decade.