A Southerner’s Weird Facebook Post About Moving To Greater Manchester…and The Local Responses Are Brilliant

A southerner posted on Facebook about moving to a town in Wigan, and the responses were hilarious.

The man, called Jay, asked the community group Tyldesley Live to tell him what the crime rate is like there, before he moved from the south of England.

“Ok so as a southerner soon to be living in Tyldesley, on a scale of 1 being Cotswolds and 10 being East Croydon, what is the crime rate like?” he wrote.

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“And do I have to get a cattle prod for potential assailants?”

Got some responses about how beautiful the countryside is and how amazing the people are.

But most of the hilarious responses were from longtime residents making fun of their town.

The southerner was warned of the ‘dreaded’ Mort Lane

Many sarcastic references were made to Mort Lane, which is well known among residents to be a flood nightmare.

Some locals even tagged their peers on the post, which received more than 100 comments, noting how accurate the responses were.

A Facebook user named Jason wrote: “Not as bad as down south but Bojo (sic) trying to level up.

“Water sports center at Mort Lane well worth a visit.

“Guided tours of a soon to be opened Indian/Chinese buffet for the last two years.

“If you have teeth, don’t go with Leigh, you won’t fit in.

Elliott Street in Tyldesley town center

“We are world leaders in the pizza/kebab/haircut scene…never a dull moment with those crazy cats.

“There’s no need to buy cannabis, just walk down the Busway inhaling.”

Another resident, named Simon, said there was no need to worry about the crime rate in Tyldesley, particularly compared to London.

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“As a former resident of the Cotswolds, I would rate Tyldesley a two,” he wrote.

“Things happen, but it’s nothing like an East Croydon situation. You don’t need a prod, but a torch and pitchfork aren’t a bad idea.”

Another user named Daniel said: “If you like fireworks, don’t tell anyone… you will be chased out of town by an angry mob.”

“Beware Mort Lane”

Other residents also warned the southerner about the infamous Mort Lane, which they advised him to stay away from.

“Watch out for Mort Lane, forget the cattle prod… bring your Ark,” one man joked.

Another local said: “I think you need to worry about Mort Lane being open more than the crime rate.”

A resident named Michael joked about the number of barbers in town, writing, “I hope he doesn’t have long hair as we currently have a shortage of barbers.”

Another called Mike said, “There’s another lovely little town up the road, Little Hulton, you might want to try it’s beautiful.”

“I never had any problems and the community is amazing”

Overall, most people had nothing bad to say about the city, with many commenting on the incredible community spirit.

“I lived here for 50 years, 32 on the street I’m on now,” wrote a woman named Debbie.

“I never had any problems and the community is amazing for being there and supporting each other.

“However, if you intend to bring a cattle prod, stay where you are.”


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George Holan

George Holan is chief editor at Plainsmen Post and has articles published in many notable publications in the last decade.

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